(NEWSER– It's not every crime story that involves the phrase "indecent acts with dairy products," but this one involves a suspect called the "Swiss Cheese Pervert." Philly police arrested 41-year-old Christopher Pagano today, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer (which had no choice but to use the aforementioned phrase). Pagano is accused of approaching multiple women with a hunk of cheese, exposing his genitals, and asking the women to place the cheese exactly where you think someone called the Swiss Cheese Pervert would ask them to place it.

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